Keep It Positive

"So what does he have to say now?" Alex asked in a flat tone as she walked alongside Bethany from the mailbox to her spotless black Mustang GT. It hadn’t been a minute, yet she had already ripped it open and started to read. Beth grinned stupidly, as she always did when she read his letters. She had that lazy, pathetic-teenage-girl twinkle in her eye, and her breathing was everywhere. She shrugged a little, shoving the letter back in the envelope quickly and hiding it away in her purse.

"Not much, you know the usual… The new recruits really suck. He's doing well. He misses me. He'll be home soon…"

Alex tried to smile, but it looked more like a grimace. As they both got into her car, Beth turned on the radio to a popular station with upbeat music. She hummed the songs as she sped along the highway two times above the speed limit.

"Beth?"

"Hmmm?" she asked, focused on the road. She knew they were close to the mall, but she wasn’t sure which exit to take. This was a new adventure they had set out on, so the area was foreign. She remembered how hard Alex had to try to convince her to skip school for the day.

"I wanted to talk to you about something that's been bothering me lately, and, well, I thought maybe I should ask you directly."

"Mhmmm?" Beth nodded at her without looking in her direction, cursing in her mind for having forgotten the U-turn on Weberman Lane.

"Is it about Elijah?" she asked, knowingly.

“Yes. Promise you won’t get offended or upset?” Alex said worriedly.

"No, Alex, I won't get upset." Beth rolled her eyes and hit the left blinker as she approached the red light near the deserted street.

"Well, I don't know. I'm just worried about you."

"Because...?"

"I've never seen you like this before, and it's great, don't get me wrong I love it. But, it's just, I don't know... I worry sometimes that you don’t see things clearly."

Beth arched an eyebrow at her friend and shook her head dumbly, pulling into the parking lot of the biggest mall in Charlottesville. She cut ahead of a silver mini-van and took the parking spot in front of the only store within a 100-mile radius that sold prom dresses. She looked quizzically at her friend, assuming that Alex was going to lead the conversation down the "long distance relationships never work" road, but apparently Alex found another approach to accost her with. They got out of the car and walked into the store in an awkward silence, Beth expecting Alex to start one of her famous discourses at any minute.

"I know you're a strong girl, Beth, probably the strongest I know. And you're independent, and strong-willed, and smart, and you've got your shit together more than any adult or older person in the face of this planet. Girl, you're nearly perfect, if not for the fact that you don't like shopping." She paused and smiled at Beth, taking her hand and leading her along the clearance rack, filled with obnoxious colors and designs that had been out of style for years. Beth chuckled and stared at her, waiting for her to continue and get to the point as she was brought to the section with the most provocative dresses. Alex was known for adding a bit too much honey to every comment she made, so Beth knew there was something more she wasn’t being told.

"You're a beautiful person, you’re intelligent, capable, kind, caring, knowing. You mean a lot to me, you know that right?" Beth nodded slowly examining an indigo halter top, and Alex continued. "But, I'm worried about you. You are this successful woman that's ready to take the world on. You've got an earth that's waiting for you to tackle hunger, lack of water supply, genocide, hate... You can do so many things; I would hate to see it gone to waste."

Beth narrowed her eyes at the young woman she had known nearly eighteen years. She had no idea where Alex was taking this, and she felt a bit uncomfortable about being flattered so extensively. She grabbed a red halter top gown and picked out a short gold dress with an open back, waiting for Alex to finish.

"You know, Beth, you can do so much with the rest of your life, I—”

Beth started getting upset at the discourse and decided to interrupt Alex to make her stop before her ears started to bleed. Trying to lighten the mood, she decided to take the conversation in another direction.

"Look, if you're trying to get me softened up to tell me you're pregnant with Jason’s love child and want me to pay for an abortion… I'm just letting you know, it's not going to happen."

Alex chuckled and shook her head as they walked into the fitting rooms. They each chose one and settled in. Beth thought this was going to discourage Alex from continuing the conversation, but she couldn’t have been more incorrect.

"Elijah is a great guy,” Alex shouted over her dressing area to Beth’s. “He's nice... He seems to care a lot about you and to look out for your well-being. I think he might even want to make you as happy as you can be. I don’t know him well, but I can gather that much. Besides, I trust your judgment and I know you wouldn't be involved in something serious with him if you weren't completely sure he's a good catch. "

Beth stepped out of the room and walked toward the mirror. "So, what’s the need for all this mysterious bullshit?" She studied her image and wrinkled her nose at the sight of the dull brown, hiding her curves under the heavy pleats and criss-crosses over the shoulders. She frowned and turned to the side, studying herself from another angle, yet she still hated how it looked.

Alex pushed aside the heavy curtain that hid the personal space from the open area of the fitting room and walked up to Beth, looking at herself in the mirror next to her best friend. The bright yellow sequined dress looked more appropriate for a night at the cabaret than a senior prom, reflecting too much light for Beth’s liking. She gave it a “thumbs down” and looked horrified. Alex rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue out at Beth.

"Betanhia, you need to understand something,” Alex pulled down the dress and readjusted her bra as she spoke. “I love you very much, and it would kill me to see you any less happy.”

Beth arched an eyebrow and marched back to the changing room to take off the hideous dress. She removed a strapless peach-colored mermaid styled dressed and zipped it up.

“If this is about him 'hurting me' or whatnot, I know it's not going to happen. We're very forward with each other; we know how important that is in a relationship.” Smoothing the front of the silky dress, she walked back toward the mirror where Alex was standing as Beth had left her before, only this time she was studying her legs and butt, popping it out.

“Al, I know you're just looking out for me, but everything’s fine with Elijah.”

Alex opened her mouth, but Beth continued to speak before she could get a word in. She decided to try on another dress and made her way back to the fitting room as her friend spoke.

“If he’s no good, I would have known long ago like I have with everyone else. I haven’t been alone for so long because it’s fun, Al, but because I don’t like to waste my time.”

Alex walked out in a mauve one-shouldered cocktail dress that hugged her petite figure.

"I know, I know." Alex took Beth’s hand in hers and squeezed it tightly, attempting to ease the adrenaline that started to pump through her body. Upset, Beth pulled her hand away and walked back to her changing room, closing the curtain and undressing. Out of the four dresses left for her to try on, she chose the Grecian one, careful not to dirty the crisp whiteness with her lipstick or deodorant. Alex spoke while Beth dressed, feeling the need to get to the point, finally.

"That’s not what it’s about, Beth. You know Jason and Elijah are friends, right?"

Beth adjusted her cleavage and her underwear, staring at herself in the personal mirror for a minute. She walked out to the bigger mirror and answered Alex’s question with a quick “Yes.” Turning around in 180º, she looked at herself in the mirror over her shoulder and examined her gladiolus tattoo gleaming red and orange inked onto the tanned skin of her upper right shoulder.

“So if there was something important he couldn’t tell you, he would tell Jason.”

“Ok.”

“And you know that Jason and I share everything with each other, right?”

“Whatever.”

“And if I thought you were in some sort of trouble, I would do everything I can.”

“Where the fuck are you going with this?” she said, incensed.

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, but there’s something I need to ask you, and you can’t bitch your way out of it or lie. I didn’t want to ask you before because I thought it was personal, and I felt you would have shared it with me at one point or the other if you thought I should know… Did you have sex with Elijah?”

“Why does that matter?” Beth was quick to respond and her temper got the best of her again. She definitely did not know where the conversation was headed, and she feared it was going to end in a place she would not like.

“Answer my question.” Alex wasn’t one to be firm, but she had the no-nonsense tone.

“Yes.”

“Did you use a condom?” Beth was silent.

Interpreting the answer, Alex’s eyes widened and she took in a deep breath, dragging Beth with her back to the fitting room in a hurry. She seemed desperate to leave.

“We have to go. Hurry up and change.” She shoved Beth into her changing room and closed the curtain, going into her own and ripping off her dress. Beth stalked out of hers and into Alex’s space confused and angry.

“What the hell is your problem, Alex?”

“Change! We have to get you tested right now!”

“Get me tested? What? What are you—?”

Taking a deep breath, Alex looked at her best friend with concern, tears starting to tickle the corner of her eyes.

“Jason spoke to Elijah four months ago, and he seemed kind of weird. He didn’t know what was going on, but he just assumed it was the separation and the stressors of war. Last week he told me that Elijah called him freaking out because of a result he got on a test.”

Staring at her blankly, Beth simply blinked and stayed quiet.

“Beth, he’s HIV positive.”

She continued to stare at Alex and slowly diverted her attention to the floor. She hadn’t noticed how hard she was gripping the sides of her dress until she saw the whiteness of her knuckles fading. She let go of the corners and let them fall, collapsing to the floor along with them.

Die Luge

Stepping into the dry interior of Rutherford & Lennar, LLP, she handed her coat to the waiting doorman, and tipped the man with the black umbrella standing outside in the pouring rain. Brushing off what she perceived to be a drop of rain from her blazer, she made her way across the lobby. The polite-looking blonde that sat at the receptionist’s desk straightened her back immediately and mechanically handed her a venti freshly brewed Pike Place Roast with one-eighth of a cup of low-fat creamer, thirteen grains of sugar, and a sprinkle of paprika. Without a sideward glance, she took her breakfast and turned into the elevator, which had been waiting for her to arrive for over twenty minutes.

Strutting out of the elevator and into the office, Madam Kapitän shushed the whispers that floated between cherry-wood desks with every click clack of her glossy stilettoes on the polished marble floor. Interns cleared the way, scattering into the shadows of the office like sewer rats that had been disturbed from their feeding off others’ leftovers. A busy-looking lanky man in one of the center desks stood up with a stack of tax returns and walked into the main corridor, only to look up at her with a twitching eye and take a sharp right turn face-first into the filing cabinets. Someone in the corner cubicles let out a whimper that sounded strikingly like that which an injured rabbit would make if it were about to die.


She stopped abruptly, disregarding the terrified expressions on the faces of two recently hired college graduates, and turned around directing herself toward the conglomeration of cubicles. Without lifting her voice or looking at anyone in particular, she addressed everyone.


“Taurus & Germen are expecting their history of returns tomorrow. I’m expecting them no later than today at 1300 hours on my desk, in four manila envelopes, each labeled with the proper year, initialed by the CPA and signed by the supervisors.”


The sound of her voice traveled to the lunchroom and the newest partner of the accounting firm almost choked on a cold piece of toast. She was near. The laughing ceased at once in the copy room, everyone shuffling around to look productive, putting on somber expressions as the smell of her perfume filled the room, sending them into a spiraling panic.


Passing every office and finally reaching hers, she nodded at a tall, sober dark man. She walked into the office first and he followed, detailing every minute of her day, reminding her of the tasks that were scheduled for completion at every hour, and the incoming appointments that needed to be taken care of. Following along on her electronic planner, she handed him various binders and a navy blue folder. She dismissed him and he closed her door on the way out. When they heard the lock click, people started appearing slowly from their hiding places behind bookshelves, stacks of returns, computers; between fake plants, curtains; under desks and chairs. A sigh of relief escaped a balding man in one of the front cubicles. Faces started popping up and out of their work spaces, looking at each other in awe, not believing they were still alive.

Unforgiving

I wish to make more mistakes; I want to know what it means to live more careless days and carefree nights. I wish for more regrets, more heartaches. I remember the hours we spent by the lake: your whispers, our smiles, my lies, our fights. I want to risk it all—I don’t want to be faithful to caution any longer. I hope you dare to overstep all boundaries, take me out of this monotony and make me feel the searing pain of holding my soul to fire and keeping it there too long. This time, I will hold on; I won’t forget the promises I made and trade them for the dull ashes of another’s cigarette. And tonight, I wish I wished no more; I shake and quiver at the thought of our bodies embracing in the cool darkness.

Nightshade

 

The breeze touches the nape of a naked neck
An anaconda swims around fresh meat
A fly lays eggs inside infected slashes
A twitching beetle sits on diluted blood
The drums beat murder
The moon doesn’t shine through the trees

Collaboration (Luna Lopez) - Sex

Slip, slide, slick.
She squirms under his chest,
sweaty, hairy, and prickly.
He grunts and coughs,
spit landing on her cheek
mixing with salt and grease.

Plop, plap, tap.
His eyes are half-closed,
a tick and twitch distracting;
his mouth slack and open,
drool spills from the side
travels down his chin
lands on her breast.

Slap, smack, slam.
She closes her eyes,
stops breathing the same air
into which he exhales
Eau de Whiskey.
She bites her lip, teeth sinking into
swollen flesh.

He takes it as a green light,
(she is the one turning green)
But she is flashing red
Flushing pink and purple.

There is no passion.

There is no lust.

There are no fireworks
Where nothing is being sparked.